Oh Knight of the dark sky

Dear Future Husband,

                              I don’t know which corner of the world you are in right now, but as of right now you are in America . Tomorrow you might be in Bangalore. Chennai the next day. I can’t keep up with the imagination of my family and their wild fantasies of where they might find you. Oh prince in shining armour!

Let me enlighten you a little about the situation in my house. I have a father who is hell-bent on finishing his responsibilities, a mother who couldn’t have grown a brain of her own and a brother who well does everything I abhor. So by tradition morning ,noon and night we eat our food together. 
And what could be the only topic of discussion?
 Obviously the union of two pure souls who are destined to be together by destiny and the will of God. Don’t you worry , my manners are intact. I still eat my food with them ,only drowning their ambiguous chatter by telling myself in my head repeatedly that All Izz Well.

How is it that when they ask you for specifications about a bride , all you want is a fair, thin and beautiful bride? Where will people like me go? And what about the rest of the details?So the bride has done her Phd. But you still want her to stay at home and take care of your family. So everyone wants a pretty wife for obvious reasons, but can’t you have some decency and forcefully specify that you don’t want any dowry/demands. I’m certain that 100 sovereigns of gold will be kept in the locker for future use but you do have to grow a heart to realise that shelling out 21 lakhs just to dump in a bank locker isn’t a piece of cake for most people.  I can understand your parents being all old-fashioned, so they might take what my father gives with open arms.Be a man and say no to torturing helpless fathers whose only wish in the world is to see their daughters happy.

You males aren’t the only one with dreams. We have big ones,huge ones. You couldn’t begin to imagine the extent of our dreams. We may not be Miss Worlds, but we still want to do things that can change the world. You take time off after college, do all wild things, study all over the world and satisfy your fantasies. Why aren’t we given the same privilege? It feels like some kinda luggage that our parents are waiting to unload of their worried chests. Give us some time, let us also enjoy life a little before we get mature enough to get down and dirty in this union of two pure souls.

As of now, almost all my cousins are married. Some before graduation, some after. Some without even speaking to their “would-bes” ( shouldn’t it be will-bes?) and some for the money. Some have kids, some are still trying.Some get cheated ,while the ones in the movies live happily ever after. We are not all angels, some run away with the family jewellary while some do the dreaded D word

Relatives. I cannot mention a marriage without the truckload of relatives that come along with it. Even if your parents are a little on the saner side, these relatives will make sure that vanishes. So RED ALERT on them. Keep yourself and your parents away from them. The first question my relatives ask my parents is when they are throwing me out of the house into some poor guy’s arms. If this continues, I might be long gone before you come along.

So much money down the drain for just one day’s worth of happiness.I tell you , a register marriage is the most economical thing to do. It will be thrilling and not boring like the ever typical briyani eating weddings we always attend and doze off over.Why buy a 1 lakh ghaghra to wear just one day when we know we are not going to wear it again. Think about it. We could donate it to some deserving person or rather all that money saved could go into a nice trip to some exotic country. 

All I hope is that I don’t meet you anytime soon. And if I do, later rather than sooner, I wish you could cut off those horns on your head.

Love

A very concerned not-in-the-near-future wife