My turmoil with Facebook

Do you know why facebook is that popular?

I don’t . Im on a mission to figure out. But somewhere I end up at a brick wall. See, on one hand they say Facebook and its likes was the reason the Middle East turmoil grew into a revolution, but on the other hand I watch a guy update “BRB, need to pee”

Yeah yeah I know. It’s easy for films to be promoted, for events to be organised, for discussions to be held. I also know it’s the first place you need to visit when you switch on the lap, the first place to update your status after ditching your girl, and the first place to say “Im vettiiiii( Tamil slang for Im not doing anything interesting).

First things first, what is this POKE

You poke me? And then I poke you back. And from that I infer that you are a living person something like CAPTCHA?

Everyone’s got this new Facebook. There was a new Facebook previously that everyone hated because no one likes change. But now a new Facebook has come with the “Timeline” just like in twitter.  In user interface design, a subject which has no future in Anna University syllabus we learnt a principle KISS- Keep It Simple Stupid. I see homepage and I’m thinking what do I look at? Newsfeed, ticker, chat, lists, groups or 23 lame Stories.

Facebook and me have this big bond.

I have awesome friends. We go a long way back in school. First we fought a lot. Physical, verbal, virtual, you name it and we did it. Then in one major twist of fate, cupid no wait cupid’s partner Friendid struck us and we became like best buds. Pictures, hangouts making up for all the lost love. There was even a time when we used to go every single day to the beach ( not me, I would catch pneumonia ) just to meet up.

That was what like years ago. Then one fine blue day, a friend posted a single update about a stupid little silly thing regarding a man who might have no relevance in our lives in a few years from now, a man stupid enough to hold the whole country at ransom about passing an Anti- corruption bill while thousands of people are dying from hunger. So this other friend comes along acting like the old man’s prodigy and doesn’t approve of it. After a hundred comments of “***** you shut up “ and “bastard, your life sucks more than mine ” ,all hell breaks loose.

We used to play this ‘kaa and palam’ thing.’Kaa’ would mean showing up a thumbs-up sign signifying cutting off friendship whereas ‘palam’ signified entwining your pinkie finger with the concerned person meaning  that you are friends again. This fight reminded me of those days. He would not speak to her because He didn’t. Another ‘he’ would secretly speak to her for old friendship’s sake. Another he would try to reason with everyone and say stop behaving like idiots.

Then there’s this thing called EGO, it’s a pretty big thing around here. A simple sorry could have done it , but no .What’s life if you don’t complicate things ,right?

There are 3 kinds of situations when you get involved in a fight. First, you are wholly/partially at fault but too stubborn to apologize. Second, you aren’t at fault but you prefer waiting for the other party to come talk first. It’s their mistake after all. Third, you care two whoops about what’s happened. Just go talk. Respond if you like or just get on with it.  

We’ve all been in that place.

Current situation: I think I’m surrounded by Benjamin Button’s clan. I could have been a little influenced by this behaviour now that I’m actually dedicating a post to this insignificant topic. Coming back to the fight, we played the Cold War epically for 4 months. Some people were too angry to think straight, some didn’t know there was a problem in the first place and some didn’t fucking care. I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t too.

Things are fine now. At least on the outside. Now I’m going to get all mature and say “Never judge a book by its cover”. By fine I mean, my friends still put up pictures to show that they can have fun without “them”. TIT. 

TAT would entail putting up pictures just to show they can too.

I started off writing this post wanting to abuse Zuckerberg for coming up with the Facebook but now that I see , its not his fault at all. He’s just smart enough to cash on the dumbing down of people. Im going to be hopelessly optimistic and wait for the day when people stop obsessing over comments or how many Likes their DP gets and just MOVE ON.

M.E

I'm not going to talk about me, so you don’t have to run away.  Mayakkam Enna . I waited for three weeks,got rave reviews from friends and then decided to give it a shot.

     There are 3 main shots in the movie

1.  Photographs
2. Scotch/Wine/Brandy whatever
3. Hero's cry me a bucket 

INTRO:

Starting is nice only. Gang of friends staying together in Sundar ( one of the friends’) house..  Hero’s parents die so friends take care of him and his sister. Super-strong friendship and all that. Hero wants to make it big as a wildlife photographer and come on National Geographic’s cover page. Till that happens ,he makes friends and sister pose with sunlight rays effect for  Effect . Now they paid Richa and Dhanush equally im guessing. So before long, Sundar decides to “date”  Yamini(Richa something ) and introduces her to his bestest buds. The fact that he had liked a girl and asked her out without telling irks them. So many green-green words emerge from karthik’s mouth. She gives him one tight slap. That time itself full story falls into place.

VILLAIN

Madesh Krishna as villain enters the scene.Hes this big famous wildlife photographer who Karthik begs to be made as assistant. No matter how much he humiliates him, karthik decides he is his God. Madesh makes him take beautiful bird pics which he takes credit for. Parallely, Yamini grows more fond of Karthik. She dates Sundar but wants to be Karthik’s girlfriend. Sundar is the typical kudigaraan. He loves his girlfriend and his best-friend but in the end they stab in the back and hook up.

HERO:

He dances well,has sung 2 brilliant songs. Sema acting also. First Madesh yells at him, so he starts crying. Then he kisses Yamini in the heat of the moment. Again he starts crying. He’s confused about Yamini , he starts drinking and crying. He runs away ,clicks photos ,comes back and starts crying. When his picture wins national award for Madesh,he starts crying and breaks his head.

Now he goes slighta mad, starts drinking,crying,screaming ,hitting his wife and gets her aborted accidently.  Now Selvaraghavan (directorji) realises that audience wont sit for more than two and a half hours. So he decides enough crying and makes hero drink his one last beer.

HEROINE:

Yamini looks great. She knows tamil but talks the peter English . She loves slapping people she loves.  Everyone in the gang has the hots for her (guys I mean).But she says no to potential  new husband saying “ Don’t aasai pattu for other people’s wives”.Virtual slap on the face.

Twist le she turns out hero in the end. She sends hero's elephant pictures to every magazine in the city.Kumudam prints one and Karthik boy starts working again in the jungles of Africa. By the fate of the Lord one original old picture gets nominated for  Photography’s best award which he obviously has to win.

Tada.

First don’t leave your useless husband. He might just hit his head again and show your picture on international television. Second, go marry your friend’s girl-friend. Its half your work done. And last, grow a ponytail. Best thing about the movie.

Love me, please.

Long long ago so long, I used to study in an awesome school. That was the phase when we hated boys and vice versa. It became so bad that the teachers came and requested us, yes the girls to reconciliate with the boys. We ended up chasing up them up till their haven, i.e the loo in order to make friends. Never happened till the end.

                Then suddenly things changed. The “I think I like her” and the “crushes” began.  We would randomly put two and two together and tease them to death. Some of them actually developed into actual relationships, so thank me.  Some changed schools, some people liked another person ( worstu heartbreak ever) and some just remained , well a crush.

                As we grew older, things got more fun. Go out. Have fun. Get bored .Move on. The cycle continued verbatim.  Then things got serious. Girls would drink 10ml of Allout mosquito repellent envisioning suicide because of some boy she adores but doesn’t even know she exists. The poor chap, he would have done nothing wrong but now has a potential girlfriend on the side-rails. Boys would mouth the cheesiest of dialogues and girls would fall for it. Both parties knew it was flattery, but who cares when it works right.

                Today my cousins are all being crossed off the bachelor list. Friends have found their soul-mates, one even got married recently. I hear cinematic dialogues “If I don’t marry him, then I shall never marry ever”. Rekha style. Then there are those who finalise marriage plans with their respectives but break up after the lamest of fights the following week.

Typical day.
Boy B wakes up, sleepily sends “Good morning honey” hurriedly to girlfriend G.
That’s rule number 1: No morning sms means half an hour of G screeching “You used to text me all the time. Look what happened to us now.”

B forgets his thickest of friends and spends 3 months travelling by bus to save for G’s birthday present. And on the D day, she says “You don’t love me anymore! You didn’t even get me nice presents.”

Gets me reminded of that hutch ad- wherever you go,our network follows. The more submissive partner gets to be the pug.
Then culture.You aren't Brahmin. How will we get married? You will eat actual living things ? Your father will have a heart attack if you run away and get married.Ah the Indian sentiment chappa .
                                    Friendship in the name of love or companionship in the name of commitment.People make that mistake. These committed rascals even call up every other week asking if their "poor " single friend has found someone.But research shows that staying single might just add 10 years to your life.No tension ka policy ,mamu . And unless its that 4 letter word that everyone says they are in deeply in, its really just not worth it !